So you decide to have a child.. and the love bubble that you and partner are in gets you through those early days – the pregnancy and the first few months – but what then? The endless sleepless nights (in our case), the tiredness, the no time for self etc etc etc.. Well i’m not sure how many others have experienced the relationship love bubblecoming to an end but i tell you now.. it happens.. usually when the teething begins! I spoke to a guy at soccer the other night – he had just had a baby and was asking us does it get easier etc and talking about the strain on his relationship. Its a common occurrence. Another friend had his daughters birthday party recently and said that most of the parents there, except for one couple, were separated. The girl was 7 yrs old.

This prompted me to do a tiny bit of research. In Canada a study was conducted that shows over the past thirty years the percentage of children experiencing the separation of their parents at a young age was increasing. It went on to say that 30 yrs ago 25% of children with separated parents had the parents spilt before the child turned 20 yrs old. Ten years later it was 25% before the child turned 10 yrs old. Ten years later again and it was 23% before the child turned 6 yrs. I hope this isn’t an ever increasing scale.

In Sweden a study was conducted and it found that 1 in every 4 parents separated within the first ten years. This study went on to say there is a greater risk of separation in the years immediately after the child is born.

Why am i telling you all this?

Well the reason i do this blog is to share my experiences and endeavour to help fathers… so i guess the reason to write such doom and gloom is just to say be aware of this.

Myself and my partner have indeed experience hard times over the past few years as most couple do with children. It seems there is little time for the relationship and we are all consumed with the child and their welfare. The snippets of time we have had together (without child and was usually movies and a dinner) we were so tired we just wanted to go home to bed and.. sleep!

We have only two kids and I can only wonder how people with 3, 4 and 5 kids cope and have time for each other.

Often we put ourselves last, which is fine, but the relationship is the foundation of the family.

I have steered through the stormy waters now i hope as our daughter is 4 yrs old. Not to say that there wont be more stomrs ahead – i guarantee it, but i hope to have a better relationship balance now.

The advice – enjoy the journey asthe journey is the challenge… but ensure the foundation is solid as you navigate the stormy waters ahead..  and if you understand that last sentence i reckon you will be sorted!

navigate the storm
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4 comments on The storm is coming…

  1. neil says:

    Thanks for your honesty Jim, I was told, “Look after the relationship and the kids will be looked after”

  2. Rick says:

    As a father of four (and a bump), and also with one failed marriage behind me, I back your comment Jim don’t lose sight of the foundation, the beginning, the reason the whole thing started. Take time, make time, for each other and your relationship. Even when each of you is tired, put in the extra effort and hold “date night” sacred. It’s worth it.

  3. Rhys says:

    All to true. I piped up at a lunch with friends after about 6 months after the birth of our child. I mentioned during conversation that the child was not hard, it saw keeping strength in the relationship. The response I got was an overwhelming quietness with everyone’s heads face down eating their lunch. Laugh or cry? It didnt even get a …. H’ummmm!

  4. jim says:

    thanks for the comments guys.. truly believe if you get the foundation right then the child sees that. it is hard to get the foundation right with so many commitments.. talking to other men has been so helpful for me hey..

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